A Fire that Won't Quite Catch
by Curlscat
Summary: They never do anything about it, is the real tragedy. Because if they'd made a move, maybe, it could have been something beautiful. For OakeX, late birthday present. Gay feelings but no gay relationship, Puck/Peter Pan nonsense.


Daphne's the one that figures it out. It's an offhand comment, just "You know, you hate Peter Pan an awful lot for someone you've never met. The only other person you're this loud about hating is Sabrina."

He winces; he can't help it. And Daphne sees.

And- "Oh," she says, and she looks so sorry for him that Puck has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from shouting that she doesn't understand _anything_ because the thing is that she does. She really, really does, and he hates it because she's right and it's been hundreds of years and it's not any less painful now than it was the first time he tried to convince himself to move on.

* * *

The problem is that Peter forgets. He forgets everything that's not constantly called back to his attention, and Puck? Puck can't stay in one place too long without getting itchy feet.

Because Puck loves Neverland in theory. He loves this place where his family isn't, where there are no expectations, where he can build and play and destroy whatever he wants for however long he wants. The sheer freedom is overwhelming. He maybe falls in love with Neverland as much as with Peter himself.

But Neverland isn't quite real. Puck knows. Neverland, Fairyland, Wonderland? They're all just so much less emphatic than the regular world they brush shoulders with, and he's always been the odd one out because he loves how very grounded it is in places whose very essences aren't made of magic.

The first time he leaves it's 'cause he's bored. He feels itchy in his skin, like he's spent too long asleep, and he wants to pull a trick somewhere where his actions have consequences.

Peter doesn't want him to go. He pouts, throws a fit, demands that Puck stay, really _believes_ that Puck won't leave him. And he almost doesn't. But he figures he can always come back. It's not like he's gonna grow up anytime soon.

* * *

When Peter shows up in Ferryport Landing, it's like getting punched in the gut. Because he's not supposed to be here, said he'd never leave Neverland, but here he is. Grinning like he always is and without a care in the world, on that stupid ship of his.

He says something cocky to the girls (he used to wonder how Charming could possibly wake Briar up with a love-kiss when everyone with eyes can tell he's never even come close to getting over Snow, but now he looks at Sabrina sometimes and he thinks he gets it and it's terrifying) and flies up to the ship because he's told himself he won't go back (he promised swore vowed he'd never see Peter Pan smile again, never want to smile back- it hurts too much) but he has to- he just has to see, okay?

Just one last time. Maybe it'll be different.

It's not.

Peter looks him dead in the eye and there's no recognition after everything they've shared. Puck might as well be a stranger. And he knows he could change it. He's tempted to start this dance up again. It's a fun game, even if he's the only one who's played it before, even if Peter keeps changing the rules. But there's a blonde girl down there who called him hers once and Puck knows how the game ends.

So he tells Peter to leave, and tells himself it doesn't hurt.

* * *

The first time Puck comes back, that's the time it hurts worst, probably. Because he doesn't expect Peter to forget. He thinks he'll get a big welcome, and that he and Peter can maybe pick up where they left off.

He's not sure where that is, exactly. This is new territory for him. All he knows is that Peter makes his heart beat a little faster, and sometimes when Puck grins at him, Peter blushes scarlet, and that every time their skin touches it's exciting.

But Peter looks at him like he's a stranger, and when Puck tells him about what they used to do, Peter tells him it's a good story, and that all his favorite stories are about himself.

Puck tells him more stories, and in between they have adventures. And it takes a while, but they build something back up, and then finally, finally, Puck can smile Peter into something ruby red and gorgeous, and Peter tells Puck that he maybe thinks Puck is his favorite.

Then Puck introduces Peter to the pixies and Peter's attention is completely absorbed by these tiny people and their petty lives, and Puck might as well be invisible.

* * *

The last time Puck goes to Neverland, Peter isn't even there, and he goes to say goodbye for real. He's aged nearly a decade since the last time he was here, and this is when he has to make a decision, because there's no turning back. If he leaves, he'll never find this island again unless the kids on it want him to, and since none of them remember him, it's for the best.

It's still hard, though. He's got a lot of great memories of this place. Decades' worth. More happy memories of Neverland than of his own home.

And then he sees Peter and reminds himself that it's not worth it because he made his decision. Made it years ago when he first had a growth spurt and didn't even realize what he was getting himself in for, hadn't even admitted that he'd fallen for Peter's opposite: the angry girl who never forgets anything and wants to grow up too fast.

Now it's too late, because Peter won't grow up for anyone, and Puck can't age down, and Puck may still feel things for Peter but there are things his body wants now, and Peter? Is not who he wants them from (he's a jerk, not a pedophile, thanks).

So he turns around and heads back for the real world, only to find out that he's five years too late for the girl he refuses to admit he's settling for.

* * *

When Puck gives up sulking at being tossed over for a bunch of Pixies (servants!), he comes back. This time he's half-expecting the blank look he gets, and he's got his story prepared.

He plays the get-to-know you dance, and he and Peter are building up to something. He can feel it tense between them, like something that's either got to pull them together or snap, and it's exciting and terrifying and that- that is when Peter runs away and won't even look at Puck for two whole months until Puck brings him Tinker Bell, who is possibly even more infatuated with Peter than Puck himself is, and is an excellent distraction.

So Puck decides that friends is better than nothing, even if it hurts a little bit.

Then Peter finds Wendy and Puck wonders: what's the point? If he can't even be Peter's favorite friend, then why try at all?

So Puck leaves again. It won't be the last time.

* * *

Puck marries Sabrina, but she still calls Bradley a lot. Puck forgives her. They were neither of them only in love with one person. He understands what it's like to have to choose, and know you'll be ripping yourself in two with either decision.


End file.
